The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
