I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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