hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Text me some of your sweat
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
