I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
