And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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