i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
