69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
