Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
