Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
