I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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