my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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