I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
