The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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