So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
