that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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