I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
