She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
