1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
