Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
