Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
