I wanna bring you to show and tell
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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