she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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