He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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