I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
