are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
