zippers are such a cool invention
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
