I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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