Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I pour the whiskey from now on
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
