it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
