I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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