I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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