i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
