Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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