You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
