I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
