Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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