ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
