if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
