I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
