the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
