even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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