We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
