So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
