I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
