awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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