I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
