i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have aggressive nipples.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
