NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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