I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's always time for handjobs
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
