im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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