can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
