you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
