running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
