Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
